HELLO ALL YOU ****TARDS (censored in case teachers read)

Three main issues I would like to talk about today:

1. The Ministry of Pullups (MOP) has decided on a new policy APES (Alternate Pullup Exercise Scheme), right after the controversy that erupted from the OOPS (Only One Pullup Suckers) scheme. The MOP has served a fundamental purpose: to pull up, and this includes Socks, Pants and the Body. Over the years, the MOP has served mostly the secondary school students, following this general trend:

Secondary 1: Pull up Pants
Secondary 2: Pull up Socks
Secondary 3: Pull up Body
Secondary 4: Pull up Results

So, STUDENTS, the premise this policy is based on is that everyone should not only train just 1 style of “body pullups” (which include narrow, wide, and upside down). Pulling up should not just be something where the number counts the most – the muscles are of paramount importance. Since each form of pullups train a different set of muscles, it is necessary to embark on this policy of APES. This is actually the first time the MOP has taken on such a scheme.

Basically, this initiative allows you to train a different type of pullup a day. You will thus be able to do all types of pullups by the end of Secondary 4, especially pulling up your results, which can be done by cheating in a test, mugging continuously or just being plain smart =D. The optimum result is of course, a double digit narrow and a double digit wide count for your pullup. Upside downs can be done too if you are extremely comfortable with it (i.e. hanging by your feet and trying to get your chin over the bar). Any new forms of hanging (like by your teeth and trying to turn 180 degrees over to get your chin over) are encouraged as long as the chin up objective is achieved.

The MOP has further announced that from now it will condemn all those who can’t do pullups and are unwilling to train to do so. A spokesman from the MOP, Mr. Broom said “go zi bei lah!” (ok just kidding)

2. I passed my VNH report! (well I think everyone did…)

3. Go read the PSB

One for all. All for one. Venturez ’06

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