Contrary to what some people have said, I think the PLC 06 has done a relatively fine job (actually quite a great job), considering the amount of effort they put in. Watching them burnt out at night was probably a telling factor in this observation. I admit, its quite hard for a 10-people batch to grow to such an extent (and under such overwhelming pressure) Troop Camp 06 actually seemed much of a success (well excluding the Mr. Lee factor), at least it looked like a “normal” camp and ran smoothly. In particular, I like the sessions that we went to (i.e. the ones that we saw lol) which includes “gangshow”, Cleaning up Solo Night and Morning PT. It never really looked disjointed from my perspective. Could see that the Sec Ones became rather demoralised from the whole camp, after seeing some of the messages the Sec Ones post on the PSB (especially the one on the Sec 1 camp) I’m not amazed at their performance and behaviour. Not all are like that, but looking at Melvin’s brother (XD) I know what to expect. I think everyone did their best, never once did I think the camp was “screwed up”. Maybe its because of my role as a non-participant. Overall, I feel this is a positive sign for things to come in 2006, and keep up (or say improve on) the good work PLC 06!
Recently, I’ve been feeling rather left out of everything. Not in the sense of physically left out (like not being asked to do something) but I have been mentally detached from many things that have been happening. I think I’m not valued as a friend to many people, and that people don’t think I’m a person they can confide in. I’m quite an intolerant person who cannot stand certain types of behaviour, and while I never say what I truly think (unless I’m having a private conversation or something) I reflect quite a bit. This is why I never make friends (and what I mean is friendship and not companionship) easily, because to me a friend is not someone who is just funny, or who just seems to be very caring and sensitive to everything. Well I suppose many people would have heard about how I cannot tolerate some forms of attitude, either through my own words or through hearsay. I’ve always been comparing someone’s position and power to his attitude and commitment. I’ve been questioning why people who do not seem to deserve something actually got it. I’ve strived for justice, but I never get to see justice being done.
I tell myself, its not the “inclusion” that matters. Ever since I got more confident at the end of last year (I think that’s largely due to scouts, after telling myself that I can succeed), I told myself that being with people is not the most important thing: its being yourself. The bandwagon isn’t the place for me to be. I’ve seen some examples here and there who yes, have many companions around them, but spend too much time with them that they themselves suffer. A few whom I know face real problems in their lives, but never face up to it; they are binded by the falseness of companionship. Ignoring what is wrong, they only focus on what is right, and this causes everyone around them to suffer. Some people ask me why I don’t follow some trend or behaviour, and I sometimes I tell them straight in the face it has no value to me at all. Drowning yourself in a world of euphoria and ignoring reality is never the best solution to your troubles.
Perhaps this is the reason why I feel excluded from the environment. I never speak about my real emotions, sometimes I appear to be devoid of emotion, cold to the touch and barricaded away from the world. People think I’m insensitive and unkind. Maybe its because I’ve given up on changing people who never seem to learn for the better. Given up on making people happy at my own expense. Given up on the shallowness of euphemism. It seems better for me to shut up and force myself to be happy with everything rather than speak up and be unable to change anything. I feel strongly about many things but I’ve never really spoke seriously about them, I’ve failed too many times trying to change something. In the end, I only talk through my heart with very few people. People whom I feel are deserving and are at least truthful to themselves. True friends who are not mistaken about the face value of things.
Maybe that’s why I feel left out.
One for all. All for one. Venturez’ 06